“I just want to die…I just want to die… I can’t take it anymore!”
When I was 16 years old and a sophomore in high school, I heard these words through broken sobs. They were coming from my mother’s bedroom. I was absorbed in panic and terror. What should I do? Who can help? My mother was 50 years old, an amputee due to complications from diabetes, and diagnosed with severe depression. Her marriage to my father was falling apart. Despite treatment by a psychiatrist and a family doctor of internal medicine, her mood continued to decline.
Her shrink prescribed Valium. Her doctor prescribed opioids for pain. She drank vodka to wash it all down.
Her shrink never spoke to her doctor.
Her doctor never spoke to her shrink.
She had severe insomnia as she was afraid that she would die in her sleep.
She died in her sleep at age 52.
I remember thinking: “I have to DO something!” I must learn how to take action. This situation can’t be acceptable, allowing a human being to spiral to this depth of despair without a conversation. There should be a plan to see her as a human being. Two independent DOCTORS treated her. They did not communicate with each other about her. They needed to understand her whole self. Meanwhile, both were treating her depression with depressants. She was also treating herself with vodka to wash it all down.
Thus began my trajectory into the behavioral health field some thirty plus years ago. My mission to help others who can not help themselves and treat them with kindness and respect. My goal to see people, to hear people, and to let them know that they matter.
#see the whole self
Unlike how doctors performed in my mother’s story, I am committed to seeing people through a wide lens. This means that humans are the sum of many parts that include physical, emotional, spiritual, financial…all of these things and more. We have to talk to one another about the patients we see and whom as providers, we have in common. Throughout my practice, I have deliberately placed myself in these spaces. These spaces allow change to occur through improved patient-centered care and integrated practice.
I want to do better and help others achieve the same.
#Forever student
Just like a flame that never burns out, I have always had an insatiable curiosity about things. I consider myself the consummate student who is also sometimes the teacher. As my career matures, the flame continually reignites bringing more clarity and passion to my purpose of serving others. This thirst for knowledge and improvement brought me to the Cummings Graduate Institute for Behavioral Health. Here, I have found new fuel. I have discovered new thoughts. I have gained insights about being the change agent who helps fix the health of our broken health care system.
Today, my mother’s story has a different ending.
Today, she would feel seen, heard and I would tell her that she matters. All of her matters and the health care system would not fail her.
I will make sure of that.
Pioneer the Change 
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